I, Oliver, on March 20th, 2025, don’t feel I’ve been a good person in recent years. As a son, brother, and friend, I believe I’ve done the best I could, but since leaving school and becoming more socially isolated, I’ve fallen into behaviours I now find repulsive.
After leaving school post-GCSEs, I had a significant falling out with my friends. Although we've since reconciled, I was in a state of deep isolation at the time, which led to the creation of this project. Before I came to realise the truth, I became caught in a pattern of unhealthy consumption.
In my younger years, I endured personal abuse, which, though addressed, left lasting mental scars. During that time, I was confused and so turned to porn as a means of coping with past traumas, believing that it would help me overcome them through temporary pleasure. What I didn’t realise was that I was only transferring the trauma, which likely led to more complications down the road.
I became addicted. The addiction objectified women and left me confused about romantic relationships. The so-called “gooning crisis” is an attempt to understand the effects pornography is having on young people today. Kids are being exposed to inappropriate content from as early as age 13, thanks to algorithms I still find baffling at 19. A young boy sees an attractive woman, desires her, but, being a child, doesn’t understand the reality of relationships. The content becomes normalised in his mind, and he then seeks out solutions—only to encounter figures like Andrew Tate, who perpetuate the objectification of women and further divide men. On a larger scale, media corporations are conditioning youth to consume porn early, so they can later profit from the confusion these young people experience, offering distorted role models as “solutions.” It sounds extreme, but it happened to me, and I like to think I’m somewhat aware, informed, and not easily manipulated.
I longed for a girlfriend, someone to connect with in a world of isolation and loneliness. Sure, I could make new friends, but as a man raised by incredibly loving parents, I always believed that love would come easily in a vulnerable place like mine.
I eventually found a girlfriend, someone I cared for deeply, but it didn’t work out. When that relationship ended, I struggled to move on, especially after seeing that she had moved on sooner than I had anticipated. That’s when I began dating. I am proud to say that, as a bare minimum, I’ve never crossed physical boundaries with a woman without her consent, and that’s something I take pride in.
However, socially in this generation, I’ve crossed boundaries I now see as completely unacceptable. Platforms like Snapchat, Wizz, Yubo, and dating apps in general are poison for young people. The anonymity, the casual exchanges—it’s all too easy and too detached. I’ve sent messages and photos I deeply regret, and I don’t offer excuses. These actions are disgusting, and I’ll never forgive myself for them, nor should you.
Before I begin this project, one that I hope will bring about positive change for future generations, I want to be open and honest about my own flaws. I’ve seen figures like Russell Brand publicly embrace religion, whether for genuine reasons or to cleanse their reputation. I have no desire to follow that path. I’d rather take responsibility for my actions, accept that I’ve made mistakes, and strive to do better. I may be the “bad guy” who’s trying to do something good, or perhaps I’m overthinking it, but either way, I believe actions speak louder than words, and I have acted poorly for too long.
I want to be good, but perhaps I’ve been bad.
I want to be good, so I strive to create good things.
I know I’ve been bad, and I’ve done bad things.
Am I bad, or am I simply a reflection of a world casting bad shadows over me?
That’s for me to answer and to change. I aim to shine a light on a dark world, one that faces the same struggles I’ve had.
Every day, I wake up to a world where politicians have blood on their hands, celebrities thrive through ignorance, and hardworking people bear the consequences of others’ recklessness. These individuals stand on stage, thanking God while directly contributing to the suffering of thousands. Should I remain silent, like those I know who should speak out? Or do I ask for the forgiveness that many, who are far more undeserving, request? This is my dilemma, and it’s one I’ve only begun to resolve by detaching myself from the personal.
The good in me is the same as the good in you; the bad in me is the result of a system. I hope to rediscover the goodness within me and share that journey, both for myself and for the world.
I hope there’s an understanding of why this project exists—beyond my personal struggles. This is an issue that many young men face in today’s world, and the only way to address it is by learning from those who have lived through it, and by finding a way to move forward—positively and progressively.
I’m sorry.
